Lucy in the sky with diamonds (Photo credit: *Psycho Delia*)
It’s funny where you find yourself in life sometimes. Seven short years ago, my daughter and I lived in a nice two bedroom, one bathroom apartment. We had new furniture, bought new clothes every month, had a four year old car that I paid cash for, went to the movies at least once a month, ate dinner out roughly 4 times a week, went every night for $5.00 coffees, and had money in the savings account for emergencies. I didn’t owe anything to anyone, except our monthly expenses. We were used to this lifestyle. If we wanted something, we could pretty much buy it (within reason). Things are very different now though.
With all the changes in the economy, our bonus program at work was cut. It was basically an extra paycheck a month that we no longer had. On top of that, they cut all the overtime at work. I lost $10,000.00 a year because of these two things (working for the exact same company, where I will have worked 14 years on the 13th of this month). These circumstances and the fact that my rent was going to go up $200.00 a month, were major contributors in my decision to move in with my ex boyfriend (see my last post for the details on how THAT turned out). When that didn’t turn out as planned, I found myself making substantially less money and having substantially higher expenses. I couldn’t find an apartment for any less that $200.00 more than what I had been paying. My full coverage car insurance went from $85.00 a month to $125.00 a month (with no added drivers, no tickets, and no accidents…I have no clue why, but it’s the cheapest I can find.). I think we are all aware of the situation with the elevated prices of gas and groceries. I ended up having to have two surgeries (which I will never pay off at this rate), and to top it all off, my medical insurance went up by $200.00 a month. Time for some serious lifestyle changes….
This was only the beginning though. My daughter (for the sake of being more personal, let’s call her Lucy) has turned into the same bleeding heart liberal with questionable taste in men that her mother has always been. I have had more kids go through my house for extended terms than I care to discuss. I’ve gotten burned by this a few times. I’ve had things stolen that I can’t afford to replace. I’ve had two family heirlooms stolen that can never be replaced. We’ve given kids food and a place to sleep only to have them later cause Lucy all sorts of heartache and betrayed feelings. Yet, we still keep doing it.
Part of this is because I don’t believe that anyone is a lost cause. Once someone burns you bad enough, you do have to distance them from your life, but it doesn’t mean that one day they won’t turn out to be something great. Success and happiness is a choice. I may not have much, but I have a wonderful daughter. I have a loving family (although they weren’t always that way). I still have dreams and goals, but I am happy. There are so many people in the world who have it so much worse than I do. I am grateful for the things I do have, and exceptionally grateful for the people who make my life worth living. At any rate, anyone can change their life. They only need to have the drive and desire to do it and make the choice to be happy. What you put out into the world is what you get back times three, so if you put sadness and negativity out there, you have no one to blame but yourself when the shit hits the fan.
I had thought that by now I would be preparing to live by myself once again, or maybe have someone to share my life with after Lucy heads out to make her own life. Obviously, I haven’t found my soulmate at this time. I really think I will one day, but I am not going to settle for less than that. I do have a happy life. I don’t want to mess it up by sticking with the wrong person, just to have someone. I don’t need that. It does mean that I’m doing everything entirely on my own though. I get child support for Lucy, but despite the much larger income her father has, he only has to pay me $79.00 a week. (Maybe I’ll go into all that later…that’s an interesting story.) Supporting myself and my daughter these past few years has been a real struggle. I’m really not even sure how I’ve managed it. I have though.
Instead of preparing to live on my own though, I seem to be taking in more and more people. It started with Lucy’s boyfriend (he’s going to be called Joe). Lucy and Joe were friends for a couple of years before they started dating. He’s honestly her best friend, and he has been there for her through some truly terrible things. Joe is a total hippie though, and a very lost soul. He’s gotten himself into some trouble in the past. He’s even been in jail, and honestly, he might still have to go back because of something he did in the past. It’s nothing serious. He was in jail for some petty theft, and he might be going back because they have him on video holding a pipe that had pot residue on it when they found it. Joe has had a terrible life though. His father is an abusive alcoholic. His mother bragged to Lucy at Christmas about how she’s been telling Joe since he was in elementary school that he would never amount to anything. The poor guy has been beaten and ridiculed by his parents his entire life. Is it any wonder he turned out like he did? Joe also is a high school drop out who has a one year old daughter his ex won’t let him see, he has no job, and he will be 20 in May. No, he’s not what I had hoped for as far as boyfriend material for my daughter. (He even has hair down to the middle of his back, but I can’t say anything because of MY choice in men…I do love a “bad boy”.)
His parents one day just up and told him they didn’t want him around anymore. The kid had nowhere to go, and now he’s staying with us. So, I ended up with another mouth to feed. I have seen some changes in Joe since he’s been staying here though. Sometimes, he even talks now, although he often looks at the ground when he’s doing it. The kid has zero self esteem. He really wants to see his daughter and find a job, but his legal issues are holding him back at the moment. We’re trying to figure out how to help him get through it. I have seen changes in this kid. He doesn’t ever party like he used to (THAT is my daughter’s good influence 🙂 ). He helps out around the house. He’s very polite. I have hope that once he gets his legal stuff handled he will get his GED, get a job, and take his ex to court so he can see his little girl. He needs a lot more self esteem to get himself there though.
The really cool thing about Joe though, is since he’s a hippie, he knows how to grow things. I have recently realized that I need to make a greater effort at being more green. Part of this is going to be learning to grow things, and especially food. Joe is going to teach me. He’s already gathered all sorts of containers (we live in an apartment, so this isn’t going to be as easy as just planting a garden). We’ve bought some seeds, and hopefully soon we’ll be growing things that we can eat, and maybe even freeze or can for future use. This will help greatly with the expense of feeding us. He is also really good at fishing. We have at least a pound of fresh fish in the freezer right this minute.
Joe is almost amazing when it comes to these things. I have seen him sit and whittle a stick into a spear and actually spear a fish from the lake…IN THE DARK! One of my brothers (the one who is in the army) is always joking about there being a zombie apocalypse this year. (I am going to post about my thoughts on the Mayan calendar at some point in the future.) We are always joking that if it happens, we will be set as long as we have Joe with us. We’ve already told him that he’s in charge of feeding everyone. 😉
Next we ended up this past weekend having my daughter’s other best friend move in with us. I am going to call him Abdul. He actually has a very similar name, and that is very interesting because he’s half Mexican. Abdul’s father is actually Serbian, but I have never met him. He lives in another state (in a very rough part of a very large city). Abdul’s mom came here from Mexico, got her citizenship, and worked to help her family do the same. She was a very hands on parent until Abdul turned 18 last year. Then she just up and moved out of state to start a restaurant with one of her cousin’s. She did keep their apartment here because Abdul was still in school, but she was only here on weekends. Their lease was up though April 1st, and she didn’t renew it because Abdul will be graduating in May. So, another kid with no place to go, and another mouth to feed. Abdul is planning on getting a job, and he’s promised to give me $200.00 a month to help toward expenses. At the moment, he’s broke.
Now we are trying to think of more ways to save money. I may actually start walking to work. It’s kind of sad honestly that I haven’t been because I could walk there in about 15 minutes. This is something else that would be very green of me. I may even reduce my car insurance to the minimum. We are going to start to learn how to make everyday products we use. We are going to learn to recycle and repurpose. Some of this is to be more green, but some of it is just to save money, plain and simple. I hope our economy starts to bounce back soon. I’m not sure I can keep going at this rate. Things are getting very, very tight around here. On that note, I am now going to hop off here. I have laundry to put away, and the highlight of my day is that my dryer has now quit working. THAT is awesome with 4 people living here. In another 3 months, my brother will be living here too until my lease is up in September. We are going to try to find a bigger place, but once he gets out of the army, he won’t have a job either. Another mouth to feed… I am embracing tribal life. 🙂 Wish me luck!!
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